The Fat Word

Fat is not a four letter word.

How to know if you’re a Men’s Rights Activist

I generally consider Facebook to be a fairly neutral place for internet discussion. It’s not a magical, fluffy land of Charlie Day GIFs and body-pos posts of girls in crop tops like we’d find on Tumblr, and it’s not the demoralizing, Libertarian fuckery of Reddit. ‘Taint quite Reddit, ‘taint quite Tumblr.

Facebook is the taint of the internet.

Every so often, while balanced comfortably on the taint, someone can come flying in from one side or the other and catch us off guard, American Gladiator-style. While startling, these encounters can actually become learning experiences. We can learn a lot about people, and a lot about ourselves. Today, I learned that I am not a Men’s Rights Activist.


1. #NotAllMen, but #TotesSomeWomen

You respond to this article with the following comment:


To which a logical person might respond by saying:
MRA2And you retort with:


2. “Your feminism isn’t REAL feminism”


To which someone might logically respond thusly:



This is a form of #TotesSomeWomen, but more ignorant and significantly more rapey:


Cue the feminist OP and then incredulous me:


And then you continue:

MRA104. Failing to understand the conveyed message

You might be an MRA if you require this level of detail:


…. and even after that, you still don’t get it:



If you look around, desperately trying to find something everyone’s pointing at, and you can’t see it. chances are YOU are that thing being pointed at.

Screen Shot 2014-06-22 at 5.52.36 PM


6. “I support women more than feminism does!”

You think women are victims of feminism:


Are you frustrated by how often you, a man, are held accountable for your own actions? Do you hate being lumped in with all of the “assholes” who are the real problems? Do you want to be able to bring a rose to your lady-love without having your balls cut off?

You might be a Men’s Rights Activist.

12 comments on “How to know if you’re a Men’s Rights Activist

  1. genderneutrallanguage
    June 22, 2014

    Most MRAs know what feminism is. It is exactly what you described, war against the Flying Spaghetti Monster err I mean “The Patriarchy”.

    This Framework of The Patriarchy creating male privilege is Feminism, in your own words as a feminist this is what feminism is.

    Gender and gender roles are not men being benefited at the expense of women. Gender roles are not the oppression of women. Gender roles are interconnected and interdependent divisions of labor created to maximize individual productivity in agrarian and hunter/gather societies by creating divisions of labor that both grants rights and places obligations on both men and women.

    To say that “Men’s Rights” is like “White Rights” is to say that we shouldn’t address the gender gap in High school Graduation rates because men are “privileged” We shouldn’t address the gender gap in suicide rates because men are “privileged”. We shouldn’t address the sentencing gap in criminal courts because men are “privileged”. We shouldn’t address the bias against fathers in family courts because men are “privileged”. To say that “Men’s Rights” is like “White Rights” is to say that we shouldn’t even look at or consider the half of gender equality that is MEN. Women women and ONLY WOMEN is the ONLY way to talk about gender equality. This is sexist bigotry. This is feminism. This is YOUR feminism. This is “gender equality” when looked at through the frame work or Patriarchy Theory.


    • Shiloh Marie
      June 22, 2014

      I approve this message due to its hilarity.

      Feminism is about equality for both genders. Gender-gap problems are not all due to the existence of the patriarchy. All of those things you’ve listed as problems are not due to the patriarchy. They are problems that I, as a feminist and human being, take very seriously. Feminism isn’t a response to those problems. No one here is making an argument that those problems are less valid due to male privilege. Feminists who think that way are not true feminists. They are radicals, much in the way that MRAs are.

      There are problems that exist outside of feminist theory. No shit. But I’m not sure why you are making that argument here.


      • genderneutrallanguage
        June 23, 2014

        So these problems of gender inequality exist outside of a gender equality movement? How does that work? The wage gap is a feminist issue because fixing it will benefit women. The graduation gap is not a feminist issue because fixing it will benefit males? This seems rather sexist to me.

        Also I commented because you clearly have no clue what Men’s Human Rights Activism is about. If you are not arguing for both Men’s Rights and Women’s Rights then you ARE NOT arguing for gender equality. If you try to argue that one groups rights shouldn’t ever even be talked about, you are arguing to expand gender inequality.

        Lastly “Radical” is someone arguing the fundamental nature of a movement or group. Radical Feminists are misandric because that is the fundamental nature of Feminism. Misogynistic MRA (and yes every group has crazies) are not radicals, they are fringe. These individuals are not arguing the fundamental nature of the Men’s Human Rights Movement.


      • Shiloh Marie
        June 23, 2014

        Again, they are issues of gender equality, but not in response to the patriarchy.

        Feminism is about promoting gender equality by challenging the patriarchy.

        Feminists can work outside of feminism to help promote equality for everyone. The fact that these other problems exist does not negate the necessity of feminism, nor does it invalidate the service it provides.

        Liked by 1 person

      • genderneutrallanguage
        June 23, 2014

        So Feminism IS NOT about gender equality. It is about smashing “The Patriarchy” with the assumption that greater gender equality will result?


      • Shiloh Marie
        June 23, 2014

        Gender equality and gender equality are the same thing.


      • genderneutrallanguage
        June 23, 2014

        Gender equality is the same thing as gender equality. Gender equality is not the same thing as smashing “The Patriarchy”.
        If the goal is gender equality then we must talk about men’s rights and women’s rights. We must talk about balancing rights responsibilities obligations and benefits for both men and women.
        Smashing “The Patriarchy” is all about removing the rights and benefits of being a man while expanding the obligations and responsibilities of being a man at the same time as removing obligations and responsibilities from women and expanding benefits and rights for women.
        You can advocate for gender equality or you can try to smash “The Patriarchy” but you can’t do both. The two goals are mutually exclusive.


      • Shiloh Marie
        June 23, 2014

        Men are not the patriarchy. The patriarchy is a system, one that disproportionately favors men. It’s an important distinction I frequently see misunderstood by MRAs. In fact, it’s often the main talking point. “Smashing the patriarchy”, as you call it, does nothing to men. It replaces a broken, inequitable system that oppresses one group of people, often without the conscious effort of the privileged group, and doesn’t help society prosper or progress. Once we stop holding back the rights of the oppressed, then the rights of everyone can move forward.

        This is where you start commenting on how women aren’t actually oppressed, that men have it just as bad, blah blah blah.

        I’ll say this one more time before I hop off the merry-go-round: feminism isn’t a war on men. Feminism doesn’t ignore men’s rights. Feminism isn’t a shitting contest about who has it worse. Feminism is simply a response to an unjust, self-perpetuating system that hurts society. Men are not the enemy. Women are not victims. We are both pawns set against one another by a system of oppression that convinces us to fight rather than work together towards equity for all.

        Liked by 1 person

      • genderneutrallanguage
        June 23, 2014

        The Marxist version of conflict theory didn’t work when Marx himself was trying to use it to explain class warfare. It really doesn’t work when women try to use it to explain gender relations.
        Gender is not an axis of oppression. Gender and gender roles are interconnected interdependent divisions of labor that affect both men and women.
        There is no “The Patriarchy” any attempt to smash “The Patriarchy” will either have the same affect as attempting to banish the flying spaghetti monster or will be little more than an attack on men/maleness/masculinity.
        So yes feminism is a war on men. It does ignore Men’s Rights. The foundation of Feminism is an assumed gold medal in the oppression Olympics.
        I will agree that feminism is a response to an unjust self-perpetuating system that hurts society. Feminism is this. The response however is to propose BS solutions that are worse than the problems they intend to correct.


  2. Del Jay (@npcdel)
    June 23, 2014

    There’s a Firefox/Chrome plugin called “SocialFixer” that will generate anonymized facebook walls as screenshots for you, with cutesy names like “Claire Innet” and “Cher DeLoad” if you see yourself using facebook caps a lot in the future.


  3. V
    June 25, 2014

    You know, there’s this funny thing that people do. You say you care about women’s rights so naturally people assume you can’t care about men. You say you care about animals’ well-being and people ask why you care more about animals than people. You say you want to help kids in Africa and people are asking why you don’t help American children, etc. and I just want to scream that I care about both! Being a feminist doesn’t mean I’m against gender equality–it means the complete opposite.


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This entry was posted on June 22, 2014 by in Activism, Privilege, Social Justice and tagged , , , , .

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The Fat Word

The Fat Word strives to bring the perspectives and life experiences of fat people into the main stream culture. Fat is Not a Four Letter Word.

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