Fat Girl’s Forever Alone Valentine’s Day Round-Up

Liz Lemon is my power animal.

“Valentine’s Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce and exploit gender stereotypes.” – Liz Lemon

A pretty, skinny woman and her handsome date go to dinner at a clichéd restaurant. She picks at a salad and drinks expensive wine. They laugh. She opens a gift of jewelry and gasps.

GAG ME WITH A SPOON

It is a frequent assumption that the overweight don’t have loving relationship partners or are unable to find someone willing to spend Valentine’s Day with them. Not only are we fatties supposedly forever alone on V-Day, but we are reminded by the advertising blitz that starts on January 1st and runs right up until February 15th where we get to hear about the amazing gestures of love made by everyone’s respective significant others. I have no desire to compete with other women on who had a more romantic evening, or who received the most extravagant gift. Every year, my husband and I eschew traditions and do pretty much the exact opposite of what the Hallmark Industrial Complex has decided is appropriate. Instead, we order chicken wings and watch horror movies. It’s The Best Thing, and in its honor, I present the Fat Girl’s Forever Alone Valentine’s Day Round-Up.

Before getting down to the eating and watching, theme-appropriate attire is required. Here is a range, from comfy to flashy:

Nothing says “celebrating love while watching murder and eating carcasses” like this tank top from Torrid.

If you are feeling sassier and of the dress persuasion, try something more in the vein of this rockabilly horror movie dress from Etsy seller VintageGaleria.

Cafe Press has this great blood spatter tee, which is thematically appropriate and also hides buffalo drippings.

Etsy seller FrostedCrossbones sells this gorgeous alternative to traditional gold and diamonds.

Lastly, I know that one of the primary priorities for a meat-centric, violence-desensitizing anti-holiday is comfort. For that reason, I present the pièce de résistance:

Yes. These are zombie footie-pajamas. You’re welcome.

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