Skinny Pam Poovey: Can you hear the sound of my heart breaking?

Me as Pam Poovey Halloween 2013

Me as Pam Poovey — Halloween, 2013

I have a deep and enduring love for one Pam Poovey, a fictional cartoon character on an FX show called Archer. Let me give you a little background knowledge so that you might fully appreciate her vast buckets of awesomeness.

Pam is the HR director of a spy agency called ISIS. She is plus-sized, drinks hard, and doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit. She laments from time to time, saying “I am an attractive, full bodied woman, but nobody will have sex with me! And I have so much love to give!” Despite that, she’s had just about everyone in the entire office, both men and women. She paid her way through college bare-knuckle boxing. She has a tattoo on her back of a Lord Byron quote reading:

“For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast, And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed: And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill, And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!”

There are also thirteen tally marks, presumably indicating the number of dudes she beat to death in her boxing fights.

Do not mess with Pam.

She’s a bit of a perv.

She took the entire agent exam nekkid so no one could say she cheated.

She’s tough. Compelling. Hot as hell.

Sploosh.

Most recently in the show, ISIS has been disbanded and they now operate as a vice ring. Pam developed a bit of a cocaine problem, and then one episode was revealed to be… well, see for yourself:

Skinny. She’s skinny. Holy shitsnacks, can’t I have just ONE awesome fat female role model on television? I know she’s a cartoon, but she was MY cartoon. MY sturdy bisexual binge-drinking nympho.

From a story perspective, she has become thin as a result of cocaine, which might be the show taking some sort of stance on artificial thinness. Perhaps the writers want to emphasize the dangers of cocaine abuse. That’s what my heart hopes, anyhow. I am going to ignore these recent events and simply reflect fondly on the dolphin-puppet abusing, food-loving, rowdy, proud, strong, sexy lady who splooshes my heart with awesomeness.

You can take her chub, but you can never take her innate radness.

5 thoughts on “Skinny Pam Poovey: Can you hear the sound of my heart breaking?

  1. I can’t even begin to count the problems that I have with the new skinny Pam. Archer finally lectured her about what she was doing, but at the same time told her that he thought her tits were totally hot and he wanted to bang her, so, not the greatest lecture.
    I also hate the fact that the writers are suggesting that heavy cocaine use sexifies you by blasting your gut and nipping in your waist. (I know that it’s a cartoon, but the amount of cocaine that Pam ingests in any five minutes of any given episode is enough to cause a fatal heart attack or stroke, yet somehow the only effect the coke has on her is that she’s turned into a pinup girl and she’s always full of energy! Why haven’t I tried this amazing stuff?! Oh, wait, I have, and that’s completely not what it does for you.)
    But really, like you, I just miss having a big girl who was comfortable in her body, confident, sexual (I mean, she turned out ARCHER), a badass, smart, and funny as hell who wasn’t constantly relegated to the sidelines. I want the old Pam back.
    P.S. LOVE your Halloween costume!

    Like

  2. I liked the thick Pam. I thought she was hella sexy. I am in Season 3 of Archer and am sad to stumble upon this website to find that the assholes thin her out. Total bullshit.

    Like

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