Because the 86th Academy Awards were somewhat lackluster this year, I ended up paying more attention to the advertisements. One advertisement in particular caught my attention, encouraging women to shop at JC Penney. I felt like a cryptozoologist waiting patiently in a bush for days, suddenly glimpsing a rare creature whose existence and behaviors were previously stuff of legend.
When you get to second 22, you see her. Majestic. Magical. The Fat Lady Unicorn.
Of course, she’s poorly lit. And in a bathroom. She’s not a social creature. She’s rarely seen in packs, and almost never in the daytime. Hopefully the good folks at JC Penney have learned some sort of insemination technique that we might use to breed more of these endangered creatures. That way, generations to come will be able to see more of these beautiful animals wearing all sorts of clothing, maybe even in broad daylight!