The Counter-productivity of Craigslist Revenge: How Jezebel got it wrong

Jezebel recently featured a Craigslist “missed connection” where a woman read the riot act to a man for making another woman cry on the subway by calling her fat.

First, the ad-writer describes the initial interaction:

You got up right before the Stony Brook stop and said something in a low voice to the woman next to you. You exited the train and she burst into tears. I asked her what you said—-and in between sobs she goes, “he said ‘Have some respect for yourself and lose some weight’

This is classic thin privilege — someone concern-trolling a complete stranger, not knowing their history or a thing about them. The man clearly has no concept of what his comment actually meant. Shaming a total stranger under the guise of helping them? Despicable. Inexcusable. Disgusting. How does the woman respond? What is her logical, convincing argument to help coach the behavior of the Subway Concern Troll?

Here is the full Craigslist post:

Craigslist Revenge

She insults him. Not just his behavior and actions (“dog”, “miserable coward”) but his personality — something she can infer based only on the one transaction she observed on the train, combined with (drumroll please…) his appearance. Here is her analysis (emphasis added by TFW):

You: blond, slicked hair, hipsterish. You manage to be both tasteless and sanctimonious, and something tells me you brag about loving Bukowski even though you only made it 80 pages deep into Women. You definitely think you’re smarter than everyone, and you love reflective surfaces. You work in design/tech/oh wait, who cares, you don’t fucking matter. You treat women like garbage, but don’t worry—-we hate you. You have a stank on you, and a lot of us can smell it…truly a dookiestain made flesh. You don’t have an original thought under that stupid haircut. You are a straight up fucking bully, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Bullies are the absolute worst.

The thing is, part of you knows this, and you’re upset that no one treats you like the special snowflake you believe yourself to be. So you say horrible things to strangers in public to make yourself feel better. Stop being such a fucking bully and shitting on other humans just because your wounded-ego feels like taking a dump. No really, just fucking stop.

Any of my fellow feminist vigilantes who might be reading this: keep an eye out for a white dude, around age 30, who looks like a wacker version of Macklemore, if that’s possible. Make sure you remind him of his insignificance.

Notice the repeated references to his appearance, and what his appearance must mean. He dresses like a hipster, therefore he must be pretentious and full of himself. He must work in tech or design based on his haircut. He has no original thoughts, and is vain, and resentful of women for not appreciating him. But none of that really matters, because he himself is an irrelevant human being.

Someone making judgements about another person based on their appearance does not make it okay to tear into them based on their own appearance. It is not okay to use a haircut and one comment as a baseline for inferring the entire world view and personality of another person. Nor does it do anything to convince the man to understand his mistake. It doesn’t serve to educate, just alienate. It is no better than telling the woman on the subway to have respect for herself. He doesn’t know her. His behavior could be coming from a place of genuine (albeit prejudiced and misguided) concern. Do you think he’ll feel concern now? Probably not. He’ll be angry. Defensive. Resentful. And he’ll have no reason to feel otherwise.

Jezebel provides very shallow commentary:

How many Craigslist missed connections/personal ads include the word “dookiestain”? More than you’d think, I bet!

As is the case with anything on the internet, there’s always the chance that this isn’t real, but what is real anyway? Are you real? Am I real? PROBABLY NOT.

Anyway, see it as a win-win. If it’s fake, then some poor woman wasn’t verbally harassed on the train. If it’s real, then the person who wrote this just delivered a slam dunk ass whooping AND coined the phrase “like a wacker version of Macklemore.”

Thank goodness we now have the phrase “like a wacker version of Macklemore”. It’s so much better than genuine social change and respect for each other as human beings.

4 thoughts on “The Counter-productivity of Craigslist Revenge: How Jezebel got it wrong

  1. Spot on. Tirades generally beget nothing but tirades, and this qualifies. Someone is much more likely to change how they interact with other human beings when other human beings interact and engage with them – i.e., ask questions rather than making assumptions, and using those assumptions as ammunition to fire all the rhetoric-cannons. This isn’t an attempt at eliciting personal growth, it’s an attempt at inflicting personal destruction – which is ineffective on top of being unproductive.

    The constant references to bullying annoyed me. A bully is not going to become less of a bully if you imply that he or she is less than human for having bullied someone; the problem will not be solved or even addressed, and perhaps will only be exacerbated.

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    • Truth. Bully stems from low self-esteem and a history of having bullying behaviors modeled for them. Let’s educate them by trying to lower their self-esteem and model the same behavior back to them! That’ll work!

      Like

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